Yes I said it. Even though you might be sleeping on the floor beside Death's bed, people's first thought is 'Chao Keng' or skive. Second thought would then be 'Long weekend hor, sibeh good idea' and then next Monday will be their turn.
Since I mentioned death's bed, side story coming up. My favourite Death character is the one from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. He didn't actually need a bed, He just had one so that He could try to relate to humans.
he speaks in small caps, makes you imagine reading a booming voice in your head
Here is the order to enjoy his books, and many a times have I laughed out loud in public transport just by reading them. Most of our libraries will carry a couple of his novels, so do borrow one to start reading. I dare say that I have picked up the joy of writing by trying, and not succeeding in any way, to replicate his writing style.
May you rest in peace Sir Terence David John Pratchett OBE (28 April 1948 – 12 March 2015). You are an inspiration, a motivation and an institution all by yourself. I will be purchasing and displaying the full set of the Discworld series once I move into my own home. No jokes here, his books are beyond awesome!
As I was saying, reporting sick. The unfortunate stigma of taking mc on Monday is that people associate it with Monday blues, instead of you being actually ill. Then again, with most clinics seeing more than double the number of patients on a Monday morning, it does lend some credence to that misconception.
imagine you trying to fake an mc
But of course, not all doctors are like that, some are actually sympathetic and choose to diagnose you with the benefit of (Monday) doubt. My personal doctor takes his treatment really seriously, and I'm so thankful he also almost always ignores the strong alcohol smell that engulfs his consultation room when I'm there.
if doctors kept it real
I can totally imagine a no nonsense doctor telling this to you should nothing be found wrong and you just need the mc to sleep the day away. That would totally suck. And hilarious too if you needed a water cooler story.
Of course, some doctors will actually find something wrong with you, even though you thought you were: (a) there cos you keng or (b) having a yearly checkup. This is where a lot of tact and light humour will do wonders to lessen the blow of bad news.
i bet the smile helps too
Of course I would never wish for anyone to be of ill-health. Good health is more important than all the wealth in the world. If you are terminally unwell, ridiculously rich, and was touched to tears by my well wishes, pm me for my bank account so that I can literally show you that all that wealth in your world didn't make you any happier. And if you feel happy seeing others happy, what are you waiting for with that pm?
So then doctors would ask more questions to determine how any current conditions came about, and I recall what was recently asked of me during the blood donation (refer to earlier post on squirting nurses).
honesty isn't always the best policy
The cute doctor was probably sniggering inside when I was describing my non-existent sex life, albeit in a slightly different conversation from above. Although in my head, I imagined her asking me in a way that overlooks her appearance and highlights her professional qualifications.
I wouldn't have dared said this out loud though, kind of why my blood is ridiculously safe for blood transfusion, apart from the high alcohol content. Oh woe betide me. This is where I am looking for female volunteers to assist the doctor in the diagnosis. Anyone?
So to conclude, unless you are really unwell on Mondays, try to avoid taking that mc. And if you still decide to get one, at least take for 2 days to make it a shitload more believable.
Signing off, KJ
Fun Fact: I've been told I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
It's Friday, and as usual I am taking a day long abstinence from actual work. I hope everyone's TGIF is going well so far, but not good enough so that you dun continue reading. Trust me, the sordid details are near the end of this post. Wink wink nudge nudge and the occasional 'hur hur'.
But first, let's not talk about the sharing of bodily fluids, and talk more about antiques and rare sightings in modern Singapore. I came across a technology so ancient, I nearly mistook it for a sculpture symbolising days gone by.
try to name the object in this picture
It is called a 'Payphone'. or 'Public Telephone'. Google it, these are real things!! You see, once upon a time, phones were not mobile. They had lines connected to them, and if you had coins, you could take a 10 cent coin and call someone for 3 minutes. You also learnt that in those 3 minutes, you could give and receive clear concise information on where to meet, what time and what were the plans. You also learnt that most people have bad breath, and use the handset a bit too close to their mouths. If you liked guessing what random people had for lunch, the public phone is a godsent.
If you have watched the latest Deadpool 2 trailer (seen below or via link), you'll
notice that he got changed into his costume in something similar,
except that one had doors.
He also mentioned Superman, cos Blue
Spandax Flying man also used these as a changing room. Superheroes are such
exhibitionists. I wish SuperGirl was like that too.
If you read the next part, you'll notice I cleverly referenced Deadpool because it is rated M18 on our shores, meaning it is adult themed. Let me show you the conversation I had with my friend just yesterday.
yes everyone, I'm talking about the WestGate beside Jurong East MRT!
Because we can't get ourselves so exhausted too often, we only meet up to go there every 3 months or so, and only when we are in the pink of health. I mean come on, all that probing and squeezing, and ultimately the draining of our bodily fluids... Mmm mmm mmm...
So here goes, we might not have a blood shortage at the moment, and we can thank the many many donors for always being there to top up the reserves. This is where I have to further mention that if not for our foreign talents coming in and stepping up, we might be facing a shortage already. In fact, each and every time I go for an appointment, at least 50% of the other donors are foreigners. I applaud you.
Another special of course goes out to our NSmen. No, they were not arrowed to donate by their units during reservist, they were serving their reservist at the BloodBank! This meant that there were enough staff to handle a large group of donors, and to speed up the waiting process by handling the 'prep work' and basic process briefing. Of course, I was lucky enough to be one of the few who also allowed them to refresh their medic training by inserting and removing the needle.
I got a cute toy out of donating too
While it can't be felt through reading, there was a 2 hour delay from the earlier paragraph to this because I had to go for a lie down. It's not that the NSmen medic were inept, far from it. I barely felt the difference between the usual nurses doing the actual poking and removing of the needle.
Shit, brb.
Ok, I shall attempt to finish this post before it takes more than 4 hours it already has. Again, I need to stress that I actually have a horrible fear of needles, and even if you got that cute doctor who took my blood pressure and deemed me suitable for donation to do the actual blood drawing process, I'd still be sweating buckets. So I commend the NSmen for doing their tasks with the passion and care in making each and every donor feel at ease.
too lame for me to leave this out
I also apologise for not feeling at ease, cos it's not you, it's me. And it's also because of me that 3 huge goblets of blood spurted out of my arm when the needle was removed. 1 landed on my arm, 2 on the arm-rest of the chair I was seated in. When I panic, my blood pressure shoots up, and seeing NSmen remove the needle probably didn't help matters much.
But regardless of my fear, I do implore each and everyone to be a blood donor if you qualify. The ones who need it might one day be your friend or even family member. In my case, I might be growing a new breed of alcoholics on the streets, since I'm pretty sure my blood is laced with booze. There's also free flow of Khong Guan biscuits, Milo and h-two-o for those who need further enticement. Did I mention the doctor yesterday was really cute?
A close friend who was too chicken to donate told me to call the BloodBank and tell the doctor that I left something in her check-up room. If she asks what is it, I just have to say "My Heart."
To conclude, please be a good Samaritan and donate. It's free FFS.
Signing off, KJ
Fun Fact: Blood red is used to describe the hue of red that looks like the colour of blood.
