It's better to trim your crotch hair

I totally mean it when I say your balls got to be trimmed, but I'll leave it for a later segment. And I'll even be showing a picture to show you why that is so. Scroll later la, my posts aren't very long, so we'll get to that really quickly.

The first thing I wanted to talk about was Good Friday, cos as you know, Singapore's infamous Holy Turd Pastor was sentenced a pitiful amount of jail time, and thankfully the AGC has stepped in and is considering an appeal to lengthen the jail-time. This led to the con-job church asking for even MORE money to help pay for past lawyers' fees. 

How dumb do you think your flock are?

Guess that $50m didn't last very long. For those who are actually helping by donating to that specific crowdfund, WTF is wrong with you? Wake up can or not.

I also need money, but not $50m. Just a few thousands so that I can go look for bigger flats, have quality furniture (read: not IKEA) and completely renovate the home to look damn fancy, all without any bank loans of any sort. I will add in a crowdfunding link here in a matter of days. Not a joke.

(But in the meantime, I gladly welcome SPONSORS for furniture / electrical appliances / internal designers / renovation contractors to showcase your work. I promise to blog and promote you in every single post for 6 months.)

I also want to travel, not to extravagant places but maybe Bangkok in July. I sort of thought up a short trip and I think I would love a free holiday. I also promise to fully enjoy it with your money. Confirm chop guarantee.

asking for hand-outs from home

Of course, the easier way would be to simply do well at work rather than ask for hand-outs, although I am still accepting those sponsors. Please be patient and give me time to start that crowdfunding thingy. And to do well at work, it's best to do what you love, since you'll never have to work a day in your life. Unless of course your top skill is cutting grass using a USB cable.

Then maybe think of feasible work options. But then again there are always alternative ways to get things pushed through at work.

even the Girl Scouts got the right idea

And of course, the best way to get what you want to afford, is to keep applying for jobs until you get that interview. Now, I have made countless presentations over the years, and an interview is exactly that. The only difference is, you are simply presenting yourself. Think of yourself as a product, there is no one on Earth who can know that product better than you. 

I heard dabbing is a good move these days

This reminds me of an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Chandler asked Phoebe to help him with his job interview. If you do not know this reference, skip ahead. And I dun think you should be reading my blog, or any blog.

P: Hi, I'm Regina Felangie. Come on in. (extending hand)
C: Chandler Bing. (shaking her hand)
P: Bing, what an unusual name. (sitting down)
C: Ah ha, you should meet my Uncle, Badaa! (making an air drum gesture while saying badaa)
P: ...
C: I'll, let myself out.

Ok, it's funnier if you watch it. (0:34 to 0:56)

Now, with the various dating apps that I have tried to use, many girls have swiped left on me. Shame on you. Especially those with profiles claiming to be looking for a guy with a sense of humour. Limbeh not funny enough ah. Tmd. Plus I'm old enough to be mature at the same time too.

dun read his name out loud in the train

Of course I have gone on dates that didn't go too well. But that's cos I am just a picky person, so for those who I have turned away or stopped texting, I apologise. At least I didn't do it publicly.

So to know me as a person on dates, I think at times I do come across as stiff, or at times maybe a little too eager to agree. I mean, I read somewhere that ladies love a guy who shares common interests. So can't really blame me right? I only try cos I'm interested.

Sadly, these two memes seem to describe me totally. Shooting myself in the foot when I should be keeping calm and act my age. It's been a while since I last dated properly, and been almost a decade since I last had a steady relationship, so excuse me. In my time, the sentence "Let's go steady leh" actually meant being boyfriend girlfriend for real. And it was always exclusive, not the open relationships that I keep hearing about these days. What's up with that? And more importantly, why wasn't I a part of any of that?

Luckily, I think I had a really great couple of dates out with one particular lady, and it's a different feeling from all the other dates, I'm so much more myself and less nervous. It's comfortable, and I dare say it's been a really long time since I had the chance to enjoy that. But also for now I'll just keep being me and not think too far ahead. No point scaring her away. 

Notice how I so subtly weaved in that I am interested in that lady? Damn my writing has vastly improved since the first post. Of which I am keeping it unedited to remind myself never to write that way again. Cos.. eeyer.

referenced from a Kumar stand-up comedy joke, details in next post

So yeah, if I'm able to write a post at the end of the week about some food for 2 and beers, wheeee. Fingers crossed. Jeng jeng jeng (dramatic music).

Oh and talking about the title. As I also mentioned, I'm looking to go for a short trip in July. And in that event, accidental morning wood or the dropping of a towel after a shower at the hotel pool might occur. Or even worse, my shorts may come loose if any water sports are involved. Guys, keep it trimmed for hygiene's sake. Better yet,

So to conclude, I decided to stay away from the United Airlines controversy cos it's old news. And I wish all of you had a lovely Good Friday long weekend, I was mostly bedridden with a flu and cough. Indulge me in adding this silly Leo DiCaprio meme to end this post.

no reason for this, just quite funny

Signing off,
KJ

Fun Fact: When hunting for jobs, leave your bow and arrows at home. They seldom match your office attire.

Post severely edited due to insensitive content

Sobs sobs... Help me... I'm dying... of laughter.

(content removed to protect the identity of my office staff)

I do apologise for this late post. It was a really busy week and I missed out on real world stuff, like memes from Trollercoaster or reviews from Ozzy Man. Business will resume shortly once I sort out my paperwork. And when something or anything tickle my fancy.

Nice piping hot cup of coffee

But along the way, I had to find time to meet up with a really close friend of mine. He was one of the few guys I bothered keeping in contact with after we ORD long time back. Daniel is now living in Australia and he was back for a couple of weeks. And we last had coffee 3 years ago!

So we had some after dinner coffee at Breko in Holland Village. Look at how pretty the cup of piping hot latte is! One problem though, there's no freaking handle. And the cup is hot, too hot to hold actually. Function along with form is preferred here hello...

And we relived good memories in camp, like how he once got a new guy to dance contemporary dance in the bunk. That poor chap was untrained and was totally made a fool of. My friend even placed a chair in the middle of the bunk and got that dude to do some ballet pirouettes on it. The rest of us were either under the blankets laughing uncontrollably, or peeking in from outside, you guessed it, laughing uncontrollably.

Also, our camp used to be at Keat Hong, where there's nothing now but new BTO HDB flats. Opposite the camp has a Zhi char stall that we always da bao food when hungry. One guy was taking orders, and someone ordered sambal 炒饭 (fried rice) for supper.

The one buying came back with 三包炒饭 (three packets of fried rice) for that guy, without once thinking why would 1 person order 3 packets... #truestory

To conclude, I'll be ending this post with a screenshot I took of Google Maps only because it becomes a Pac-man game with your location as the paths! I think it only works as the mobile phone version but I could be wrong. Plus it's past midnight and I need my beauty sleep. If you've seen my face in person, you'll know that it isn't working, but I still got to keep trying.

Signing off,
KJ

Fun fact: If you read this all the way to the end, it means you are able to read.