It's better to trim your crotch hair

I totally mean it when I say your balls got to be trimmed, but I'll leave it for a later segment. And I'll even be showing a picture to show you why that is so. Scroll later la, my posts aren't very long, so we'll get to that really quickly.

The first thing I wanted to talk about was Good Friday, cos as you know, Singapore's infamous Holy Turd Pastor was sentenced a pitiful amount of jail time, and thankfully the AGC has stepped in and is considering an appeal to lengthen the jail-time. This led to the con-job church asking for even MORE money to help pay for past lawyers' fees. 

How dumb do you think your flock are?

Guess that $50m didn't last very long. For those who are actually helping by donating to that specific crowdfund, WTF is wrong with you? Wake up can or not.

I also need money, but not $50m. Just a few thousands so that I can go look for bigger flats, have quality furniture (read: not IKEA) and completely renovate the home to look damn fancy, all without any bank loans of any sort. I will add in a crowdfunding link here in a matter of days. Not a joke.

(But in the meantime, I gladly welcome SPONSORS for furniture / electrical appliances / internal designers / renovation contractors to showcase your work. I promise to blog and promote you in every single post for 6 months.)

I also want to travel, not to extravagant places but maybe Bangkok in July. I sort of thought up a short trip and I think I would love a free holiday. I also promise to fully enjoy it with your money. Confirm chop guarantee.

asking for hand-outs from home

Of course, the easier way would be to simply do well at work rather than ask for hand-outs, although I am still accepting those sponsors. Please be patient and give me time to start that crowdfunding thingy. And to do well at work, it's best to do what you love, since you'll never have to work a day in your life. Unless of course your top skill is cutting grass using a USB cable.

Then maybe think of feasible work options. But then again there are always alternative ways to get things pushed through at work.

even the Girl Scouts got the right idea

And of course, the best way to get what you want to afford, is to keep applying for jobs until you get that interview. Now, I have made countless presentations over the years, and an interview is exactly that. The only difference is, you are simply presenting yourself. Think of yourself as a product, there is no one on Earth who can know that product better than you. 

I heard dabbing is a good move these days

This reminds me of an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Chandler asked Phoebe to help him with his job interview. If you do not know this reference, skip ahead. And I dun think you should be reading my blog, or any blog.

P: Hi, I'm Regina Felangie. Come on in. (extending hand)
C: Chandler Bing. (shaking her hand)
P: Bing, what an unusual name. (sitting down)
C: Ah ha, you should meet my Uncle, Badaa! (making an air drum gesture while saying badaa)
P: ...
C: I'll, let myself out.

Ok, it's funnier if you watch it. (0:34 to 0:56)

Now, with the various dating apps that I have tried to use, many girls have swiped left on me. Shame on you. Especially those with profiles claiming to be looking for a guy with a sense of humour. Limbeh not funny enough ah. Tmd. Plus I'm old enough to be mature at the same time too.

dun read his name out loud in the train

Of course I have gone on dates that didn't go too well. But that's cos I am just a picky person, so for those who I have turned away or stopped texting, I apologise. At least I didn't do it publicly.

So to know me as a person on dates, I think at times I do come across as stiff, or at times maybe a little too eager to agree. I mean, I read somewhere that ladies love a guy who shares common interests. So can't really blame me right? I only try cos I'm interested.

Sadly, these two memes seem to describe me totally. Shooting myself in the foot when I should be keeping calm and act my age. It's been a while since I last dated properly, and been almost a decade since I last had a steady relationship, so excuse me. In my time, the sentence "Let's go steady leh" actually meant being boyfriend girlfriend for real. And it was always exclusive, not the open relationships that I keep hearing about these days. What's up with that? And more importantly, why wasn't I a part of any of that?

Luckily, I think I had a really great couple of dates out with one particular lady, and it's a different feeling from all the other dates, I'm so much more myself and less nervous. It's comfortable, and I dare say it's been a really long time since I had the chance to enjoy that. But also for now I'll just keep being me and not think too far ahead. No point scaring her away. 

Notice how I so subtly weaved in that I am interested in that lady? Damn my writing has vastly improved since the first post. Of which I am keeping it unedited to remind myself never to write that way again. Cos.. eeyer.

referenced from a Kumar stand-up comedy joke, details in next post

So yeah, if I'm able to write a post at the end of the week about some food for 2 and beers, wheeee. Fingers crossed. Jeng jeng jeng (dramatic music).

Oh and talking about the title. As I also mentioned, I'm looking to go for a short trip in July. And in that event, accidental morning wood or the dropping of a towel after a shower at the hotel pool might occur. Or even worse, my shorts may come loose if any water sports are involved. Guys, keep it trimmed for hygiene's sake. Better yet,

So to conclude, I decided to stay away from the United Airlines controversy cos it's old news. And I wish all of you had a lovely Good Friday long weekend, I was mostly bedridden with a flu and cough. Indulge me in adding this silly Leo DiCaprio meme to end this post.

no reason for this, just quite funny

Signing off,
KJ

Fun Fact: When hunting for jobs, leave your bow and arrows at home. They seldom match your office attire.

Tinder user here! (Waves frantically)

I admit it, I am a user of Tinder and other dating apps, and I'm not shy about it. I'm a bit conscious only when I open the apps in the MRT, bus, while walking to public transport, pubs, cafes, food courts, and am in any public area in general. Only very few instances, as you can see.

I mean, swiping (mostly) left or right in public doesn't exactly paint a very professional picture of me, especially since I am usually in work attire the whole day. And also I'll feel bad if maybe I swiped left on a person seated beside me. I dun think that has happened yet, although I have been hit by too many bags and stabbed by too many heels for it to somehow feel coincidental.

One thing I have to say about the app, is that guys, please be careful. Especially if you are in the work force and have a few financial commitments. I've come across accounts of kids on tinder. Literally Pri Sch and Sec Sch kids. Jailbait much?

And why do kids that age wear revealing attire with full make-up?! When I was in Sec Sch, I had pimples and centre-parting, and my female classmates looked really good in that Au Naturale state, no cosmetics needed. Granted, there might have been some with shorter skirts than others, but that's pretty much it. 

So parents, keep your kids in check! These apps use Facebook for logging in, and obviously there are sick shits out there preying on impressionable young kids. One MMA ang moh just got jailed for baiting TWO under-aged girls. And I doubt the inmates can take turns standing in the shower hoping he drops his soap. MMA fighter leh... pervy uncles dun stand a chance. But he has 4 years to lose his muscles, so keep at it inmates. I'm rooting for you guys!

But I digress. This post is to reveal what type of Tinder date I am. Generally, I will meet my matches out at public and crowded places for dinner and light drinks. For you ladies, I recommend no drinks, since you should never drink with strangers. I will however, be true to myself and guzzle a few pints of lager. This is to show the ladies my actual habits, and also to calm myself, since I'm not at all a talker until I have alcohol in my system.

So I came across this place at 120A Prinsep Street, called Mikkeller Bar. 

It's a Scandinavian Micro-Brewery with 20 choices of beers on tap. The one in the pic below is their IPA, or Indian Pale Ale, and is a potent beer with 9% alcohol. You can't really taste the alcohol though, so if you can't hold your liquor, I recommend giving it a miss, cos the beer is so smooth you can't help but gulp it down.

the words become just as blurry once you have the 2nd pint

They are actually tenants of a Contemporary Art Gallery, although I got there a little too late and was more interested in drinking anyway. But the gallery is pretty cool looking from the outside, so I delayed my pee trip for a few seconds to take the next shot.

 I was walking at the same angle this picture was taken

Swee hor! Just tread carefully when tipsy since the ground is mostly gravel and does not go well with your cheek. I didn't trip though, thanks for asking. Assuming you asked, which I know no one did. Pui.

So, there you have it. I bring first dates out to watering holes and bistros since I'm not much of a foodie and I am only familiar with such places. If you think that's fine, hit me up in person since Tinder takes some time and I look like crap in all photos. I promise to be entertaining without being obscene and obnoxiously drunk. Just keep the champagne away from me.

Signing off,
KJ

Fun Fact: If you get rejected after saying 'I Love You', insist you said 'Colourful'. Your lips will move the same way.